Can I just say-- this feels normal.
I spent the winter working at a seasonal warehouse job. Its not a bad place. I have a few small debts to pay off, so I took up a regular job. I was recently laid off from this job as business from Christmas and Christmas returns has subsided. I'm not sorry. I'm certainly not bored. I get up in the morning between 6:30 and 8:30, get dressed, eat, walk my dog, and then get my stuff together to start my day. Most mornings over the past couple of weeks since this lay-off occurred, I will put my laptop in the backpack that I use for my mobile office and head to the library to work. I could work from home, but there are far too many distractions. People think that simply because you do not have a regular "morning-alarm-clock, pack-your-lunch and get-out-the-door" sort of job that you aren't busy and can certainly go out and play.
I may not be sure what I'm doing, but I am trying to do something.
Part of "working" involves filling out applications as I do have a few small debts and can't afford to turn anything down just yet. But I would like to be able to work from my laptop. I would like my work to fit into my life, rather than the other way around.
What feels normal about this?
Maybe "natural" is a better word then "normal." It feels natural to go about my morning taking care of things with out feeling rushed. Being able to determine my own schedule rather than have it dictated. Being able to get where I'm going with a brisk walk in the daylight and fresh air. Yesterday, the weather was grey. It rained all day. I stayed in bed a little while after waking up and read a few chapters of Frances Hodgson Burnett's The Secret Garden. This is the best time of year to read that book-- when spring is just beginning to tease us. But it gave me just enough inspiration to get through a dreary-looking day. I took my dog on a walk. Then I took my mother to the grocery store as I needed a few things myself. I came home and set up a camera that I bought in the hopes of making it useful here. Then I went to the library to work.
All of the important things get done, but they get done in the order that makes the most sense to me. It made more sense to me to get the grocery shopping out of the way in the morning, first thing, so that I wouldn't have to worry about my mother waiting on me to finish whatever I was working on at the library. I was then at liberty to work at a pace that suited me.
I am taking a class on Monday nights. It is a 12-week community interest course. It doesn't offer any sort of course credit, but I am excited about it. I've only attended the first class so far, but it seems like it will be great. I have, in the past, been involved in a local writing group. Now that I am not working, I would like to do that again. Even if I don't have something to share every week, I enjoy the discourse. Enjoying the discourse of intelligent well-read people has made me think that I may join the reading group at the library. One of my sisters is involved in a book discussion group where she lives and she seems to enjoy it. Very soon-- like in the next couple of weeks-- it will be time to begin planting potatoes. Also, onions, peas and greens. Come summer I will be watching my sister's children while they are out of school. Now is a good time to begin planning a curriculum of activities for them for this summer. And then, of course, there is the tiny. I would love to get it finished before my birthday. In any case, as you can see, my dance card is full. I simply can't go back to working for the man.
But all of this feels like a normal way to live-- more normal, anyway, than getting up at the crack of dawn and packing a lunch to spend the day locked up in a big, windowless box until it is nearly dark again. And then going home to reset, sleep and do it all again.